The first post...beginning of the end.

I'm brand new to this blogging thing so bear with me. Basically, I like to journal on my computer- especially when I'm stressed out or having a lot going on in my life. I kind of thought blogging might be the next step. This way I could get feedback on some of my thoughts. Maybe other people are feeling the same things as I am. I mean, I know I'm not alone in my daily struggles and frustrations, but this will hopefully help to reassure me. I'm just going to dive right in to my drama...

What I've been dealing with for the past few months is what I like to call my "man troubles." I have been dating this guy since August 2007. He's amazing. He's good-looking, funny, honest, sincere, witty...and on and on. The first 3 months were INCREDIBLE. We saw each other every single day. We spoke on the phone whenever we weren't together. It was just great. Then, he dropped a bomb on me...he dumped me. When i say that, I mean he said we were "broken up" but nothing really changed. He said he needs to accomplish some things in his life and feels he doesn't have enough time to dedicate to a serious relationship at this time. Neither one of us are dating other people, "we" (I mean he) just say that we're friends. I still tell people he's my boyfriend since he's the only man I talk to everyday, spend time with, and sleep with...catch my drift? Basically, we just started to spend less time together. That happened in November. So, for about 4 months, I've been going through the ups and downs of a man that isn't really sure what he wants. Basically, he's up and down and up and down. From day to day, I'm not sure what to expect. One day he's all about me, the next day, I barely hear from him. It's very frustrating. Through all of this, I have told him that I will be there for him...I will wait for him...I love him. The whole nine yards....

I know you're thinking I sound pathetic, but I can't really help it. Love just really gets me. He just really gets me. I wouldn't be doing all this if I didn't think he was THE ONE! Sounds corny, but I do believe that.

So, the current deal is this...he's on a down. Last week, he was up. Last week, he called me a lot, called me "baby" like he usually does, and basically just made an effort. This week...not so much. I've barely heard from him. He doesn't really answer my calls. He just can't really be bothered. It's SO weird. I don't understand it. I honestly believe he's not seeing anyone else. He's just no that type of guy. I really do believe that he loves me as much as I love him. It's just that in his mind, nothing is different. When I point out things like this- things like him not calling or hanging out or whatever- he acts like I'm crazy. He acts like "what? I'm not doing anything." It makes no sense to me.

I think that maybe as a woman, I will never fully understand men. Honestly, I like to think I'm down to earth. I'm not high maintenance by any means. I think I give him enough space so he won't feel smothered. I know that if I call him and he doesn't answer or call back, that he's either busy or doesn't want to talk to me. I'm not the type to call 834577 times. I don't think I overreact to things. If I have a question, I ask. I hate drama. So, I don't really know what to do. He's very confusing.

Let's see if I hear from him tonight.......