Wow, it's been a while since I've added to this blog. OK. So, here's the update. I have given up on the "love of my life." He's a complete asshole. He ditched me on my fucking birthday weekend for another chick. He's lucky she's cute. If she was ugly, I would raise Hell. However, she is very ordinary looking. There's just nothing special about her. She looks like every other white girl....

That's the end of him. Fucker.

I'm dating a new guy. He's super cute. He has an amazing smile and incredible lips. Just a playtoy for now. Younger than me....a lovesick puppy. He's just a cutie.

The family drama is reaching an all-time maximum. My brother hasn't really spoken to the family in a year and a half. This is all because I basically told his girlfriend to shut the fuck up when she was pissing me off. Anyway, they're assholes, and my mom wants to confront them and get her damn diamond ring back from that bitch! That's the only reason I want to go over there. She wants to ambush them. I'm all for it. My brother is such a dickhead. His girlfriend is such a crazy ass bitch. It works out nicely. We get to cuss them out, then take the fucking ring. It's going to be amazing. What fucking idiots. They aren't inviting any of the family to their wedding. July 12th. They didn't even invite my Dad. He GAVE them nice ass living room furniture. He helped them with their bills, and they aren't inviting him to their wedding. Assholes. They only invited my mom and her fiance. They won't invite me or my sister. That's fucked up. My mom won't go unless we're invited. Basically, none of the family will be there. Fuck them. Those weird ass, ungrateful bastards.

May is the BEST Month out of the Year.

Yes, it's true. May kicks ass. The weather is perfect. It's not too hot, not too cold. All the pretty flowers and shit are in bloom. It's the month right before summer officially starts. May fucking kicks ass. Plus, I was born in May. Yet another reason why it is amazing. This year, I'm going on my very first cruise...in May. How freaking sweet is that?? I'm pumped.

Relationships Don't Work.

I'm convinced that relationsips don't work. I've never had a successful relationship. My first real boyfriend was in high school. He was emotionally and verbally abusive. He was controlling and just downright crazy. He took my virginity and told me he was also a virgin. Turns out he wasn't, and everybody knew about it except for me. He cheated on me during our entire 3 year relationship. He sucks.

My next serious boyfriend was in college. Yeah, that was a joke. He was ashamed of me. Most of his friends didn't even know we were dating...for 2 years. He never wanted me to hang out with him and his friends. He never complimented me. Eventually, he would never be "intimate" with me. Then, he cheated on me while I was out of the country, waited to break up with me until I got back in the US, and started dating the girl he was cheating with. They are still together... He also sucks.

My latest "relationship"- if you could even call it that- is quickly crumpling. We were formally boyfriend-girlfriend for about 3 months. Then, he broke up with me. But, we still talked, dated, whatever. Now, I'm just completely sick of him. I never see him. He doesn't make time for me. He makes excuses why he can't hang out or why he doesn't call me back. He won't kiss me in public. He won't even fuck me anymore. It's very irritating. He's also very rude to me on the phone. He constantly gets an attitude with me and talks to me like I'm a damn idiot. I'm so sick of him. I deserve better. I deserve to be with someone that actually WANTS to spend time with me. Why should I be lonely every night? Why should I waste my time on someone that tells me he's too lazy to come over. What an asshole.

So, relationships don't work. I'm sick to death of this shit. I have a lot to offer. I deserve better than these dumasses. I just don't know why I put up with these guys for so long. It's irritating. I irritate myself. I hate how I let guys walk all over me. Damn. Maybe my realtionships don't work because of me, not because of them? I don't know. Lame.

I'm Totally Awesome.

Obvious sarcasm. I'm not that cool. Fortunately, I have been feeling better! Guess my new medicine is working. Sweet. I feel less anxious and way less stressed out. Only bad thing I've noticed is drowsiness. For a week or so I also experienced loss of appetite. That sucked. I was super hungry but couldn't eat. It made me nauseous to eat. Anyway, that's gone so I'm good.

Let's see...what else is going on? I really need to start working out so I'm more in shape for my cruise in May! i may be thin, but I'm definitely turning into a fat skinny person. That's no good. I need my little chicken legs to look better. A six-pack would be amazing too. I'm working on it...

My job annoys me. I'm a personal trainer which is cool. I really like most of my clients, but all the other bullshit of the gym is driving me nuts. I'm sick of these damn points we have to get. New member units and resigns. I hate that shit. Only thing I care about is training my people. Some of them I dread seeing. Some of them are freaking awesome! I like some of my clients more than my own mother. Sad, but true. My mom is a whole other bag of worms. I enjoy my job. I like it way more than a desk job I could be stuck at. At least I get to wear sneakers and sweatpants everyday. It's also very flexible. I get to make my own schedule...kind of. It sucks when people cancel. It sucks when they're late. Basically, most people that come in that gym have no desire to work out. They only do it because they think they have to. Society keeps telling them they have to be skinny. Obviously, most people do need to work out. But, I wish pepole would understand how hard it is to lose weight. It doesn't take one week people!

Anyway, that's my rant for the day...